This narrative delves into the intricate concept of love, juxtaposing the author's Indian-American upbringing with literary insights. It examines how marital bonds, whether arranged or self-chosen, are influenced by familial expectations, cultural norms, and individual aspirations. The author’s personal journey, marked by parents whose union began as an arrangement and evolved into a unique companionship, highlights the diverse forms love can take beyond conventional romantic ideals. The piece explores the profound impact of societal pressures on personal choices, emphasizing that courage often underpins genuine affection and connection.
The author's parents, initially strangers, embarked on an arranged marriage, a common practice in their native India but uncommon in the United States. Their union, facilitated by family and guided by Vedic astrology, underscored a belief that love could be cultivated through effort and shared commitment rather than preceding the marital vow. This pragmatic approach to partnership, prioritizing stability and family interests, contrasted sharply with Western romantic narratives. The author recounts witnessing a mix of apprehension and hope in her parents' wedding photographs, reflecting the inherent uncertainties of such a union.
Growing up, the author developed a distinct perspective on relationships, largely influenced by her parents' experiences. She viewed romantic love, as often portrayed in Western media, as a trivial pursuit. Instead, she recognized marriage as a practical, economic institution, devoid of the sentimental embellishments prevalent in mainstream culture. Her early disinterest in conventional romance was a conscious choice to circumvent potential heartbreak, leading her to seek solace and understanding in literature rather than personal romantic entanglements. This stance was not a rejection of her heritage but a personal interpretation of the various forms of human connection.
A pivotal moment in her understanding came through her encounter with Emily Brontë's "Wuthering Heights." Initially assigned for its literary merit, the novel's themes resonated deeply with her observations of arranged marriages. Catherine Earnshaw's decision to marry Edgar Linton for social standing rather than follow her heart's pull towards Heathcliff mirrored the practical considerations that often underpin arranged unions. This literary parallel illuminated the universal struggle between desire and societal expectation, demonstrating that even in passionate narratives, choices are frequently dictated by perceived security and status. The novel presented a profound exploration of emotional suffering, vengeance, and the complex interplay of human relationships.
The author identifies two distinct realms of love, symbolized by "Wuthering Heights'" contrasting settings: the wild, passionate chaos of Wuthering Heights and the refined, controlled environment of Thrushcross Grange. This dichotomy represents the spectrum of human affection—from unrestrained, intense love to measured, pragmatic bonds. Her parents' marriage, characterized by its initial lack of overt romance but abundance of social and economic security, exemplifies the latter. Such "restrained love" extends beyond arranged marriages, encompassing the modern dating landscape shaped by algorithms, and societal constraints like heteronormativity, class, and religion, all of which impose boundaries on how love is expressed and experienced.
Ultimately, the author concludes that fear often motivates choices in love, whether it's Catherine's decision to forgo Heathcliff for security or her parents' choice to marry for stability. Her parents' eventual divorce, though taboo in their community, was a courageous act of self-love and mutual respect, allowing them to define their relationship on their own terms. Their continued friendship post-divorce exemplified a unique form of connection, highlighting that true love manifests as courage—the bravery to choose one's path, redefine norms, and honor personal truths, even when challenging societal expectations. This courageous love, she argues, is the most authentic and profound.