A luxury perfume bottle worth $350 sits on a bedroom shelf, evoking mixed emotions. For the owner, it's not just an expensive fragrance but a symbol of financial guilt and misplaced priorities. This personal anecdote reflects a broader issue faced by many Black eldest daughters who grapple with a deep-seated sense of financial responsibility towards their families. Despite earning well, they often experience what experts call "money dysmorphia," a distorted perception of their financial situation that leads to persistent feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
In African middle-class households, the eldest daughter often assumes the role of caregiver, learning early on to prioritize necessity over comfort. This mindset has lasting effects into adulthood, where even those with stable incomes struggle with spending on non-essential items. Growing up, the author prioritized quick recoveries from illnesses to avoid hospital bills, which could be better used for food or utilities. In college, she survived on minimal daily expenses while sending money home, reinforcing a scarcity mentality that persists despite her current financial stability.
The concept of money dysmorphia is particularly poignant for Black eldest daughters. Ayesha Ofori, a finance expert based in the UK, explains that this phenomenon can manifest as feeling perpetually poor despite earning well or spending on luxury items to maintain appearances. For eldest daughters, the pressure is compounded by cultural expectations that success belongs to the entire family. Even when making sufficient income, they may still feel financially strained due to additional responsibilities.
This financial burden extends beyond individual experiences. Research indicates that nearly one in four Brits and 29% of Americans experience money dysmorphia, affecting high earners and those with substantial savings. Black women, especially eldest daughters, are more likely to provide financial support to family members, a practice known as "The Black Tax." Studies show that some have even depleted retirement accounts to assist relatives in crisis, highlighting the significant personal costs involved.
Angela Akinyi, a UK-based Kenyan eldest daughter, shares her ongoing anxiety about potential financial ruin, despite her siblings' well-paying jobs. She feels pressured to contribute more, viewing it as a necessary sacrifice. Dominique Broadway, a personal finance expert, attributes this mindset to generational trauma and systemic oppression, which create a constant fear of losing everything, even when financial security exists.
Addressing money dysmorphia requires acknowledging past traumas and actively working to change negative thought patterns. Experts recommend separating personal finances from familial expectations, setting boundaries, and creating dedicated funds for family support without compromising stability. Educating oneself about financial management and finding supportive communities can also foster healthier relationships with money.
Ultimately, overcoming financial guilt involves redefining one's relationship with money. By recognizing its role as a tool rather than a trophy, Black eldest daughters can work towards genuine financial freedom. Embracing this shift allows them to focus on personal growth and well-being, ensuring that their hard-earned success truly belongs to them.